“Avarice or Envy”

I see you walking; you carry an air relevant to my cries
You may think that I’m lying but the truth is
I want what you have to be mine, I won’t let you shine.

Nothing but a vice masquerading as a virtue,
These green eyes are always spying one me, on me.

You want to please me?
Want to give me something that I don’t have,
So sad, this is my bad.
I don’t want to be me,
I’ve never felt so mad, tripping down the stairs on my decent,
Into unholiness.
Do you understand this?

I hear you talking, always ready to please.
You’re lying through your damn teeth; try this on for size.
Give a voice to the lies,
The truth that’s behind the nothing I am.
Will I be the lamb for your sacrifice?
Am I to die?
(I just wanted what you had…)

Do you want to please me?
Want to give me something that I don’t have,
So sad, this is my bad.
I don’t want to be me,
I’ve never felt so mad, tripping down the stairs on my decent,
Into unholiness.
Can you understand this?

What can I do to impact you like you have me?
We call each other friends, but in my eyes you’re an enemy.
All I do, is sit here overdosing on my high-end brand of envy.
To the point where its hurts
Turns me numb,
And stops my breathing.
My chest can’t stop heaving
My eyes can’t stop seeing,
My brain won’t stop thinking.
My body won’t let me end me.

I wish you could see the extent of the craving’s I hold inside.
It burns like I breathe and I am tired of hiding…

Can you please, please me?
Bless me with what I do not have,
It is so sad, this is my bad.
I don’t want to be me,
I’ve never felt so mad, tripping down the stairs on my decent,
Into unholiness.
Do you understand this?
Make me bliss.

Nothing but a vice masquerading as a virtue,
These green eyes are always spying one me, on me.
Judging me feels like they are watching me, watching me.

by Dmitri Snyder